WHEN I NEARLY BREAK I'LL THINK OF YOU AND...

under one umbrella, soul mates like we

I really don't how to start this... I'm just feeling shivers down my spine and I just want to burst everything out to you because it's all at my lips but my mind is stopping me and you know that... To confess or not to confess... To forget or not to forget... Well that will never be an option because it'll be hard on me to forget for my love for you has grown to a level beyond anything in this world... Maybe I'm too selfish and so the fact that I said my level has grown beyond anything is wrong for it has not grown pass my self-centred attitude... I really don't know what I'm doing these days because really all I can only think about is you and every single time you come by me I can only feel like shouting out your name with joy and telling you how much I love you... The feeling you've built inside me is beyond words because honestly I fell for you and nothing else... 9 months of this sacred pain is more than enough for I will see your face again and again each day and I wish I could see it from a different point of view.

I get so green around you because I love you so... I get so emotional around you because I love you so... I get so quiet around you because I love you so... I get so weird around you because I love you so... I get so high around you because I love you so... I get so tensed around you because I love you so... I turn into a girl around you because I love you so... I simply love you so.

If you were to part from me or love another woman I swear I wouldn't kill myself because I'm cold hearted and I would not cry because I'm stone hearted but I would dread it all... I would dread myself... I know I'm incapable of supporting you for I know nothing about you unlike the world... I can't even tell if you like this or that... I can't differentiate your different silences and answers... I can't interpret your face... I can't do anything because you never speak but I really want to learn and I know it's not by making you open your mouth but by looking through your heart.

You never speak to me your heart out but it's not your fault because I simply fail to look at your heart... Honestly you're so dear to me and I feel so miserable and incomplete without you... My every breath is taken for you and when I awake or sleep it's all about you... My prayers are for you... My hopes are for you... I get into a reality check sometimes but fantasy always pulls me back in.

I try so hard to fit in for you but sometimes it never works maybe because I'm fat and lazy but you don't know  how deeply I'm in love with you and really every single moment I spend with you is treasured which is why I never forget anything you say... Does this answer your question on how I remember so well the things that you say... I'd rather pick corns with you in a field than to go dying without you... I just want you close to me everyday.

That feeling I get when you look into my eyes and smile at me is just so nostalgic and ecstatic and crazy and mind blowing and happy... December was so beautiful not because of Christmas but because of you... Everyday when I used to be so around you, you used to be the same but now I feel a change in the air blowing only from one side and I hate that feeling... I always believed that girl was me and I still do or at least I'm trying. I don't want to lose you... You're too dear to me... I just wish you would understand that and spill it all out to me... Poison me if you hate me because I never go finding death by myself... Hold my hand if you love me because that's all I need from you... I just want to lean my head on your shoulder and wipe away my tears and always make my shoulder's ready for you to wipe yours which you keep hiding away. 

This horrible feeling of almost losing you is so painful to stand but there's a glimpse of hope everyday in it when I see you and hope that once upon a time and even now I'm that girl you are looking for... The emotional dilemma I get into when I'm with you is but pleasurable pain my love and I hope you know that there can be no worse pain in my life than losing you... I'm truly, madly and deeply in love with you despite all your flaws and peculiar actions... You are flawless to me though... I never loved you for anything but you... When you helped me everyday in my life that's when I loved you most... When I was lost with another love been lost I looked to you and I saw that you and only you could fill the shadows of my broken past and mend it... Everyday being attached to you is more than just heaven to me and every second away from you or seeing you without me but another feels like hell... I'm helpless here... My friends say go while most say no and what's worse is sometimes I'm all alone... Really I don't care about the world until you tell me you hate me and I refuse even then to listen to it... I don't want anything from you but you... So please lend a ear or break my heart once and for all till I reach my death bed.

I've never felt shivers like this and I know it's me and will only be me because I'm that confident of how much I love you... I count days and night to be with you and if you just ignore me I will get pain all over me... I find it so hard to talk to you because we have nothing in common and I'm just different so help me... Please only because...

I love you.

I'LL BREAK SOME MORE !!!