CHIT BLUE RETURNS

 

There's always going to be turmoil and madness...

And then there's always going to be...

ME!

FINDING FOCUS

I'm always coming in here with so much words to say but in the end I swallow it all. Always temperamental, feeling vulnerable, overthinking, over caring, over anxious, over loving (except myself). I just wish I had a place to vent and likely God can be the only solution but I forgot where I put Him. Is it wrong to feel this way? Just when I got oh so motivated I got crushed. I'm crashing everyday to the ground. Looking good on the outside (or maybe not *rolls my eyes*) but dying on the inside. Always putting the blame on myself. Always putting others first and trying to hold it in. Always having expectations which I know is wrong but I'm only human. Always have detachment issues. And when I finally think I've detached. I haven't actually. I wish I could reverse time. I wish all of this never happened. I wish I was stronger, bolder, more confident, more able to express myself and accept myself and not expect others to. Am I a victim or playing victim? I don't wanna be both. If I'm doing this wrong please universe just shed some light on me. Heal the world and heal me too. Once again praying for the world before I can pray for me. Always believing in that theory. 

And halfway as I was typing this rant post with the intent to type more the universe heard my prayers and sent an angel my way. 

I'M A TOUGH COLD HEARTED BITCH FOR MYSELF AND NO ONE!

I WILL PUT ON MY OXYGEN MASK FIRST AND THEN SAVE THE WORLD!

BLESSED!!!

BEHIND THE BLUE WALL

and it's just all of this distraction that's messing with her head... she doesn't know what she's doing... she doesn't know who she is anymore... she thought she was just sailing through like just when the storm had ended and then now there's this new storm like the Americans and their baby naming ceremonies for every damn hurricane that just won't quit... 

there she goes... derailed from her focus... she's a loose canon... she's a train wreck... who drove her to this extent... she did... she allowed herself to be driven that way... she aligned her thoughts and was ready to take over the world or so she thought... when suddenly her world just collapses and comes tumbling down right in front of her eyes oblivious to that of others...

she had put up walls... thick fucking walls... tall fucking walls.... strong fucking walls... even China got jealous...  it took time, effort, painnnnnnnn a tonne of pain.... the bitter experiences brick by brick laid out by the bastards that put their name on it... so she shut herself in... deep inside never to step out and never to let anyone in or crumble those walls... next thing you know mother fucker she be walking out of her fort through the front fucking door... like bitch why'd you build that wall in the first place then? 

but she remembers... she remembers as soon as she wonders out... a few yards away and already so lost... she was hallucinating... it was the façade of her own mind in her new found happiness... she thought it was going to last it never will stay insideeeeeeeee.... better not wonder off too far my child before you run out of pebbles or worse, bread crumbs... don't you ever run out like that thinking there's a meadow of daisies out there...

she sobs her way back in but she is devastated that her own mind deceived her... she needs to clear her thoughts but she has no platform... she has no avenue to engage... she wants to scream and shout and write it all out but she is confined within her fort... this is how much you can seek... these are the decibels at which you are permitted to speak up to... your walls are too thick anyway... even if you scream at the top of your lungs nobody is going to hear you... these are the only handful of people you can reach out to... i am sorry you don't have much of an option... the world is very small indeed... 

she succumbs to the pain... she mends her wounds everyday without painkillers... they don't sell those kind... the kind to numb the most excruciating pain of all... that from the heart... but she mends them anyway... everyday till there is no more scars... but did she do right by herself?... silly woman... mended the wounds from the outside not from inside out... she looks perfect, pretty, pleasant... she's broken on the inside forever... she works just fine... for others but never for her... 

and she will always be remembered... what a wonderful girl... she had so much to offer but nothing to take... cared too much... thought too much... lived too little... put it on her tombstone will you? make sure you align it perfectly in the centre... even as a ghost she can be pretty...

OCD! 

CLASPING A CHAOS CREATING CURIOSITY

I dedicate this to all the overthinkers out there, for a cat may have nine lives but our curiosity is infinite. If you acknowledge that you have a disorder whether it's mild or magnificent just remember this. Your mind is a wonderland, be your own Alice!

I cannot seem to undo the thoughts. 
Bogging me down even when my mind is drought. 
For what it's worth, it's definitely not.
My mind like that of a cat I'd adopt. 

Compress! Compress!
These thoughts only depress!
As much as I try to really suppress!
Nope, sorry but I'm not impressed!

What if? Oh no! Did I make a mess?
Questions! I'm boggled! More and not less!
My actions, reactions and words that digress.
Oh, you're hopeless, no you're not blessed!

But why? I cry, till my tears run dry.
I'm a hatter, it don't matter, my mind will not try,
To shut it, and put it, away with a lie.
I'll serve you my brains sizzling and fried.

Will you handle it? And cradle it? And water it to cool.
I'll never let your hands drown my mind in a pool.
I'm baffled, I'm frazzled, I sound like a fool.
My thoughts that hike mountains with anxiety, the mule.

Overthinking till I rot?
Is this all I've got?
Will I ever finish the plot?
Or will I end it with a comma, simply below the dot?

I will...

NOT!

THE JUKEBOX BESTIE

 

We all know how I like to start a post sometimes with the time or what I'm exactly doing. It's 2.42am and I'm stoning on a video call with KSN! Been meaning to get back to this for a while now. It started off with a different intention but after reading my previous post I was pretty pumped. Of course having my darling KSN so purdy in front of me now in a inspiration in itself and yes 2.45am posts are the best kinds. So here's one entitled "The Jukebox Bestie"! No this post is not about KSN but the title has been inspired by her cause she's my muse. She's like the jukebox that always has the right songs to play at the right moment of my life! So shall we get to it? 

We've got a lot going on right now, we're trying to catch on with some new ventures and sometimes we have to edit that playlist to suit your style, your mood, your scenario. When life throws you lemons you'd prolly play "Lemon Tree". When it's time to sleep you'd prolly play "Are You Sleepy?" which I am! 

Every person that walks into your life is a song! Sometimes it takes time for you to start loving a song. You've got to listen to it a few times before you can start to like it. Some songs you just fall in love with as soon as you listen to it. You will never know when you may get tired of a song. But some songs will always remain on your playlist and you just know you can always just skim through it and hit play. You can hit rewind for memories you can create a remix for the future. You can hit pause and take a hiatus from that song. You might put it in a loop. You might have a few songs that you are particularly addicted to at a point and those will be your top songs. You might edit your playlist and they will change someday. But just you know that there are always new songs coming to this world and that you might come across a really amazing song and that might be your song until it is your song that is. Sometimes you have an upbeat song, a motivational song, a love song, a sad song and some songs you just hate. Sometimes, you stop listening to a song when you find out the meaning behind it. Or vice versa. Whatever song comes our way it always keeps us in the moment. 

My playlist is pretty pretty now and it's definitely on repeat! 

Some songs maybe I oughta...

DELETE!

HERE AND NOW

 

I need to pee. BRB!!!

And this is exactly what I do all the fucking time. I procrastinate and then I make it to level mediocre and occasionally I do make it to level outstanding just cause I can but never ever actually use it to my advantage. 

So let me warn you, this post is going to be as random as the blue guitar above and as always let me explain how I got it. I Googled the images under my name "Chitirra" and all that I got was Chitarra pasta. Yeah that's right food!!! But I scrolled a little more and found this blue guitar. I guess sometimes we just don't know what we're looking for but when you say "Come What May" you take it as it comes and you give it a purpose or a meaning rather than finding for something to fit your purpose aimlessly. 

So somehow Google knew Chitirra loves music, randomness and blue and thus The Blue Guitar was born. Chit Blue, Blue Queen, The Girl With The Blue Beanie, I go by all these names but never really gave myself a definition.

Okay look we all know where this is going. This is a rant post after ages of not blogging and I finally decided to type that shit in and do a post. In hopes to be back like I always do. I once told Jason my friend that in all that you do "BELIEVE"! That much is true so yeah. "Believe, even if it means putting your faith in a yellow highlighter," was what I said and I trust he remembers it till date. Oh, Jason oh Jason my good old friend. Where art thou when I need you the most? And there you are I told myself. Right in my heart with this memory. If you can just remember that, that every soul you ever come across only drops by to let you teach or to teach you and leave a piece of memory behind, then you are never alone. You have all these memories to carry with you and for that I'm grateful for Jason. I'm grateful for all whom I've met and I'm grateful for my yellow highlighter theory. So today I place my trust in The Blue Guitar and shall begin my post with a strum on the virtual guitar. Haha! That concludes my explanation on the picture! I'm weird like that! Always was and always will be! Take me as I am baby!

Can we start now? Yes!!!

So...

I dunno... 

I'm just here writing what I feel and something finally triggered me to be here and to spill somethings out...

Maybe it was 2020, maybe it was me, maybe it was you! (It was you.... Bahahahahahah... I love the blame game innit! Just kidding it was 2020. I'm sorry I mean it was me! It has always been me.) Whatever you do in your life is because of you. So yeah, I'll take blame for the way my life has been and I'll also take credit that I'm here to type this out. 

I just feel blank. Like this emptiness, this melancholy that is running through me. It triggered today after a splendid game of badminton and an absolutely thrilling conversation over dinner. I realised today that I can be more than what I am. I've always been that lazy ass and I've always used that word as a nasty excuse for my lack of progress whether it was my job or my health or my love life (let's not go there shall we, I've been free for the past 2 years but I feel like I'm going to sink into that nasty whirpool again anytime soon and I just wish I could runaway to the Himalayas or something). 

Maybe I'll start with my job. I've been so hardworking but is that enough. This is the first time I've ever given myself a compliment. That I legit am hardworking but I've been drained and I've gone back into my lazy mode. I feel like I've just been on a routinous roller coaster closing in and out and I know what shit's gonna come next and all that's left to do is for maintenance control to fail and poof that track is gonna snap and everything is gonna come tumbling downwards. What's going to be worse is if I'm at the peak and it comes crashing. Will I be able to break the fall? But I see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is approaching thanks to my friends who spit the truth on my face. Will I be able to do this? All I ever do is ask the lord to give me the dear strength. I'm making the necessary changes and I hope to persevere and give that roller coaster a brake in order to make my biggest break. 

Then there's my health. Okay look maybe I don't spell these things out but maybe I'm not in the pink of my health. I'm obese as fuck and I love to eat. I don't get why people think I'm a drunktard when I'm not though. I'm not and no I'm not in denial. I know you're not going to believe me but if I don't believe in me then who will. Anyways yeah I'm not a drunktard (this awkwardly came up in the conversation today) but yes I'm a foodie and a fatty. However, I don't want to end up like some self-centred depressed asshole. You can call me whatever the fuck you want but depressed people are selfish. I'm not saying I'm not selfish. Fat people are selfish too and I pray to reduce that. I've found a wonderful coach and I have 20 sessions at the gym left. Aside from that I've been inspired my my amazing friend who will be leaving me shortly for a job overseas but she left me with all the wisdom in the world to be a better person. Even for that big break up there for my job. I did my annual medical check up and everything looked okay based on my current situation. It's a pass but there's so much more to do. So yay!!! Get started bitch. 

Then there's this lovely boy whom I've been oh so blessed with to be my motivator, mentor and a good friend. A friend who inspired me to start something new for the year. Singing!!! Apparently what I do best. Being the lazy ass that I am I've always evaded it with the excuse that I suck but the truth is I don't. I actually sing pretty well and I just need more practice and yet again I pray that god gives me the wisdom and ability to practice till I'm perfect (just as what Vikram Menon told me today for badminton - Vikram Menon, he says the craziest things. I'm going to pen this right here so that 10 years down the lane when I read this I will remember this random bitch for giving me good quotes aside from Kahlil Gibrans). 

So there you have it. Mainly my job, health and singing which were a problem but all of which have their solutions. 2 amazing friends (names not mentioned) who inspired me and 2 other amazing friends Jason and Vikram who left me with 2 theories (the yellow highlighter theory and that practice makes perfect). If I put this all together at the end of the day I'm actually blessed with a great life and great friends. So what is there to complain about? Why do I always complain? 

This brings me to another there you have it moment!

It's just me. I don't know why? Am I not greateful (my sister just highlighted that) but I am aren't I? Then why? I'm sooooooo fucking blessed then why? What's the missing piece? Or will there always be a missing piece like those moveable jigsaw games. If you don't have one missing piece you will not be able to move the cubes to design that picture that you want? 

There will always be a missing piece and once you bring everything together and you can see the picture of how blessed you are as a whole you will be able to fill that void with a creative design which can only sprout from gratitude. That I am enough and thank you God effect.

Did I just answer my own question? Then what was it that was really missing in the first place?

Well I don't know. Maybe it's just someone to share it with.

So here's what I really feel and feel free to judge me coz in 2020 I've come across a multitude of assholes but even more I've come across a multitude of amazing souls.

I just feel like I'm missing you. I feel like all that I'm doing is not worth enough. Maybe because I haven't gotten there. I've just set this framework and all these solutions but I've not implemented them and once I succeed you will come and find me. But is that what it is? I've always had the belief that you should love me as I am and as a whole but I also just realised I suppose that unfortunately that's not how the world functions. Even myself. For the piece of shit that I am (okay was was fine I'll be positive henceforth) but for the piece of shit that "I WAS" or for the piece of greatness that I'm about to be... Even I have standards and maybe it's just not fair to impose my weakness for others to accept when I should only offer my strengths to them as they offer me theirs.

Maybe you will come once I complete myself because I should remember that nobody completes nobody. I complete myself and only then I will be worthy of others. Once I'm worthy of me. But the question now that I just asked God was. Will you wait for me? And to this my sister answered (well I didn't tell her this dilemma but she kinda split some knowledge over to me out of NO WHERE and here is where God is amazing and answers your prayers. In fact it just occurred to me now) But yeah the solution my sister said was if you don't grab it somebody else will. So maybe I'm not chasing after you because I'm not ready and somebody else is. So who should I blame? See stop stop! Stop finding something to blame. Just do it and grab it. If it is meant to be it will be. 

Dear Lord I thank you for making me type this out and speak to myself in my best form. I know I should have started the day my friends simultaneously pointed to me that I was the best writer. What took me so long to use my own strength to lift me up? I suppose there is a time and place for everything and I'm about to rewrite my history cause that's what I do best!!!

I love God, I love me and I love you!

Here's to the new music I shall write with my newest discovery, my supporting instrument...

THE BLUE GUITAR!!!

WHERE AM I

HERE

NOW

RECONNECT

Life is like a puzzle and maybe it's about time I complete things to see the big beautiful picture ahead by finding the missing pieces and reconnecting them together.

AMELIORATE

WE'LL THINK OF A TITLE LATER

Okay. Look. Wow. As soon as I typed okay look the time turned twelve. 

Okay look again. 12.01. 

This is going to be one of those Sad Saturday posts. It was supposed to be a Freaky Friday post but the clock struck twelve remember. 

I'm not in my most comfortable position. I'm just crumpled into a corner on an undersized chair with an over-sized body. 

Fuck my English and there we go again. Brace yourselves. Profanity will be an overdose tonight. Parental guidance not necessary cause fuck away. I started swearing when I was 13 officially so fuck you. 

BEWARE: I might skip spaces, punctuation, font size, creativity and yes grammar too. 

DEAL WITH IT!!!

I'm just here to write. NO. TO RANT. 

Okay so look. Again and again and again. 

I'm so fucking lazy to write but I'm just going to do it anyway. I mean this rant post not like write write kinda write. Apparently kinda is a valid word. Fuck contemporary English. 

Okay so let's just fucking start there shall we. 

ENGLISH 

I cannot fucking tahan Ya Tuhankuuuuuuu Engelissssss kat opis aku merosot sampai aku nak mampos gilerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Okay no seriously. Ever since I joined this company apparently my Tamil has improved and my English is just deteriorating. I've not read a decent book since August and I've not written ever since. Reconciliations are just getting to my head and I'm not even achieving anything. We'll get to that shit later. So back to English. I mean seriously civilization needs to understand the importance of English or else well... no civilization. God help them. God help me. Atleast a word a day please just read it and learn it. I honestly don't give a fuck who reads this shit today but if you're reading then that's progress enough. Learn a new word. FUCK. It means to fornicate, have intercourse, sex. There all the synonyms laid out for you. Used in a proper sentence...

FUCK YOU!!! (With the damn right punctuation, grammar and style bitches)

RECONCILIATION

For those of you who think this word is Greek. Here's how it goes. 

You take the fucking payment listing that's fucked up literally all over the place by the fucked up customer and you fucking match it with your fucking payment listing which will never fucking match and burn your eyes till you even find the fucking invoice number on that compressed, congested, cock shit sheet. Then after you've fucking digested the fact that both shiznits don't match, you try and open your fucking credit note report and see that even that shit doesn't match to your fucking payment listing let alone the fucking customers fucking list. Then you be like "oh nooooooo fuck this shit what am I going to do with this fucking shit now." Then you try to fucking see if what the fucking customer is claiming is fucking through by matching it with another list some bitch gives you and you be like "Bitch, half the details ain't here". Then you be like "okay fuck this shit I'ma call sales see if they know what shit they agreed with the customer" and they be like "Oh fuck noooooooo how am I supposed to know what I gave the customer" and there, right at this very mother fucking point you just do a table flip and use that damn-right-punctuation,-grammar-and-style-bitches sentence and go "FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU". Then once you've had it and done your daily ritual of 3 cups of Milo a day and cursed but thanked Nestle for such an expensive but totally worth it product, you go back to your fucking desk (with which you can't peacefully pin up things that you like without having some asshole comment on it) and you fucking get an approval to blindly issue a credit note for them customers and then you wait for the fucking thing to be issued while you get fucked by everything else in office and then you fuck it to the customer's fucking face and there you think you're done but nooooooooooo. You have to now fucking tag that shit to some non-existent shit you pluck out of air and obviously that shit ain't going to balance. Then when that shit ain't balanced them shit face sales be coming to shit on your face and then you get fucked and somehow fuck some shit up to solve the fucking problem and everyone along the process is happy they got whatever the fuck they want but you. You just get fucked all the way through and then it's over. Done. Like a one night stand, like a tramp, like a used condom, like a soda can that contains all that gaseous pressure to keep that damn drink tasty for your but once you're done drinking you be kicking the can around ungratefully. Dude the least you can do is recycle that shit. (confession: i threw a can into the bin yesterday). Which brings me to my next topic. 

GREEN PLANET GREEDY PEOPLE

Yes. I threw a can of Sprite into the bin. Not only did I gain more calories to become a larger carbon footprint but I threw the can into the bin instead of recycling it. I have no excuses. Yes I was just fed up and a bitch but I have no excuse. Execute me by all means but HA HAAA you can't do that. NE NE NEEE POO POOOO. Know how that feels??? Being NE NE NE POO POOPED at!!!

I DOOOO!!! BY MY OWN FATHER WHO THREW A TISSUE INTO THE DRAIN WHEN THERE WAS A HUGE FUCKING DUSTBIN IN FRONT OF HIS CATARACT (This will be my next topic) PRONE EYES. 

NEED I EXPLAIN FURTHER.

FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!

THE CATARACS.

Okay THE CATARAC isn't the topic but if you've heard of The Cataracs, it was an American hip hop indie-pop production project (formerly duo) formed in Berkeley, California consisting of songwriter, vocalist, and producer Niles "Cyranizzy" Hollowell-Dhar (born 6 October 1988), and formerly songwriter and vocalist David "Campa" Benjamin Singer-Vine (born 1987). Yeah I know I'm lazy like that and copy pasted the shit out of it from Wikipedia but hey the fact that I took a damn hard attempt to change back the font is a big fucking deal. So yeah. This topic ain't about the Cataracs specifically but just music in general since I like that song Dancing In The Dark by Deven and I think the Cataracs helped her too. I don't know don't ask me technical things like this but I love music and A.R.Rahman. He's a category of his own. Like when I say I like music yes I like every kinda song and music director and I listen to various genres but then when I say I like A.R.Rahman it's like a noun. Like okay let's not get to that whole noun pronoun shit fuck. As much as my English is Oh So Wow (sounds like Au Re Voir) but the whole technical shit behind it sucks. Anyways I think you know what I mean. Like the reason I'm alive is him and I can also die a happy person because of him andddddddd my sangeetham teacher who is an 18 year old boy who is like some child prodigy and gosh his voice is so heavenly and I be like if these people can change the world why can't I?

FINALLY

Since I just stopped at a some what a nice note, I'll try and end this post here but really life is a struggle. Sometimes you want to come home to a family but you can't. Sometimes you want to go out and meet some civilized souls but you can't. But always you can listen to music, (erm you can't do that shit in office you have to eat sleep recon repeat literally numbers) anyways at other times you can listen to music and you can rant and write but only on your blog. Not to humans. Humans suck and you shouldn't suck. I don't suck cause I'm an alien. Fuck you I'll be anything I want to be which is actually making want to write another topic about people who judge but oh well... FUCK THEM ANYWAYS.

So I'm DONE. I'm FUCKING DONE. WITH ALL THIS SHIT AND SHIZNITS AND FUCK. 

OKAY NOW I'M DONE FOR REAL AND I'M GOING TO WATCH THE NOTEBOOK CAUSE IT MIGHT MAKE ME HAPPY OR CRY BUT WHATEVER.

No I'm actually done cause my back, wrist and mum is hurting me. (P/S:- There is no such word as paining). Fuck this shit. But I'm also going to watch the movie. Oh did I tell you? Movies are also nice. They let me forget reality for a while. I don't know let's not go there now. There's apparently a fine line between reality and fantasy. I'm just hanging on it. Nope. Swinging on it. Nope. Mostly being blown on it to the fantasy side. I think I've mentioned this before but I don't care cause I can do and be whatever the FUCK I WANT TO BE!!!

MUNDANE (Word Of The Day - Google That Shit You Illiterate Twat)

THESE SMALL THINGS

Where do I start, when do I pretend, where do I end. I'll tell you what. Today I'll be honest, no tricks up my sleeve, no lies waiting to grow on my nose, no pretense hidden by a mask. I'll just start and I'll just end but what's in between is for you to judge although I would hope that what's in between is to make you smile. What's in between is quite small, petite, minute actually but it makes the finishing grandeur. It would be your smile that is grand I pray. 

These Small Things.

They come, they go,

They sometimes never say hello,

They live, they die,

They sometimes never say goodbye.

But these small things are not like the start or the end,

They remain forever etched,

They sync, they blend,

In your memories forever sketched.

With that I conclude,

Although this is but the beginning,

Not with a prelude,

But with how small things make great happenings. 

And how Maria puts it in the Sound of Music,

My dear avid reader, these are a few of my favourite things.

The starting of a song,

The finishing of a book,

The distance that is long,

With your hands to mine hooked.

The characters by Jane Austen,

The notes in music seven,

A snow man frosting,

When the time is eleven eleven.

The seventies so groovy,

The billboards greatest hits,

A Mani Ratnam movie,

With A.R.Rahman to finish it.

The songs of Michael Jackson,

His moonwalk and video clips,

A mother holding her naughty son,

With a stern face but a safe grip.

The writing of a poem,

The telling of a tale,

The fact that nothing rhymes with poem,

And how now I just wanna wail.

The counting of stars,
The smell of cut grass,
The friends so far,
A clink of the glass. (Cheers To That)

The shades of blue,
When I haven't got a clue,
Peeling dry glue,
Medicines for a flu.

The smile on a poor man's face,

The beauty in a dancer's grace,

When things are in its place,

When not, but we managed to trace.

The twisted raagas in Carnatic,

The geographic setting from God's own touch,

The piousness of a fanatic, 

The contrast that some people don't pray much.

Puppies and kittens and a baby's butt,

How sometimes we accidentally take an international fart,

Smiles and laughter nothing else makes the cut,

These are the small things that I take to my heart. 

I could go on and on with a million more,

For these small things can accumulate with much galore,

But these are the things that will make you adore,

The life that you're living and what it's worth for. 

With that I now, can conclude for sure,

The beginning, the end and the beautiful between,

I hope this piece was a smiling cure,

The small things in life that are simple and serene. 

Praise Thy Lord.

AMEN. 

TEMPTING TEMPERAMENTAL TEMPER

The thoughts that sink into my brain,

The thoughts that sync like track to train,

Of his face, his pace and his ready smile,

That keeps me sustained for a thousand miles.

His genuine touch,

His effort much,

His unhampered spirit, principles and more,

His bullies, his charms much like Theodore.  

His theories and tantrums, tenderness and time

To solve the miserable problems of mine.

His nags and nonsense,

Most of which make sense.

His charm when romantic,

His words so traumatic,

His gestures and ways,

That tend to make my day.

All of which I adore,

Despite his flaws a galore.

It has been inked in my heart,

It could never break apart.

This little boy who's become so much of a man,

From a little shaky leaf to an oak that forever stands.

Maybe just maybe I've found the perfect one for me,

But that my dear is for him to see, well if I'm perfect for he.

And while I can only hope for me to become we,

It all depends on him to decide if we could forever be.

YOU AND ME

PRISHA DE ORISHA

Once upon a time, somewhat a time that felt like eons ago, on the 6th day of the 9th month of the 1992nd year of God-Knows-When, the clouds drew apart and the skies opened and a little baby dropped out of heaven and brought more light to this earth. This baby is a special one. A rare one that drops out only once in a blue moon. These special babies are known as a Bundle-of-Joy. She is taken care of by two beautiful people who are her guardian angels but was kept hidden all the time as God commanded that she was a unique Bundle-of-Joy who could only be exposed to the right people at the right time. All those who finally meet this Bundle-of-Joy retrieved joy in abundance in their lives, thus only those who deserved it are destined to meet this wonder child. It all depended on the karmic fate of those who were about to meet her. Some people were fortunate enough to meet her as young as when they were 6 in kindergarten and some were lucky enough to keep her till date too. This Bundle-of-Joy was named Prisha a.k.a. Orisha (Only because it's unique to Me). Day by day Orisha met more and more people and expanded the level of joy around the world and one fine day in the love filled month of Valentine, 23 long years later she officially met another person and that person was Me.

Me was just another random kid from the havoc town of Subang who was lucky enough to befriend another little Bundle-of-Joy called Natsy when she was 6 and was fortunate enough to have her by God for the rest of her life. How Me met the 2nd little Bundle-of-Joy was through the 1st little Bundle-of-Joy. You see that's just how it works because you can't just get a Bundle-of-Joy at the snap of your fingers. It takes one bundle of joy to meet another bundle of joy. It takes a lot of good faith and fate as well. 

A few days before Me officially met Orisha, Me unofficially met Orisha by taking her in her car to be dropped of at Natsy's home. In that short gap, Orisha had already taken a liking on Me so much that she wanted to keep Me and that's just how a Bundle-of-Joy works. They fall in love at first sight on anything they see because they are born to spread love, they never judge and they just well they're just blessed. However, all that was running in Me's head was "SERIOUSLY DUDEDESS I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU". You see Me was a very skeptical person or maybe God just designs things that way because it ain't so easy to spot a Bundle-of-Joy. It's like a test he puts you through to see if you're worthy of a Bundle-of-Joy. Orisha left with Natsy and Me thought Orisha just another passing cloud but little did she realize that she passed with flying colours in that short test in the car and so God approved of a second meet which was the official one. 

So on the very day that Me was destined to meet Prisha, Me was mentally preparing herself to meet this new alien officially just because of Natsy. They met at Thank-God-It's-Friday but at that 2nd hello with Orisha, Me just Thanked-God-It's-Orisha. It was as if all this while she was blinded by a wall that blocked her brain into believing that Orisha was yet another Bundle-of-Joy. A gift granted by the good Lord to Me. At the point of the 2nd hello, Me could finally see the glowing halo above Orisha that lit the whole place because it was finally time for Me to see the true gift that was given to her by God. Orisha, Orisha, Orisha, she is such a kindered spirit, a Bundle-of Joy that spreads positivity, love and care like no other and Me was truly a gifted soul to have Orisha introduced into her life. 

Orisha made Me laugh, made truffles with Me, exposed Me to a world of reading, consoled Me when Me needed it, medicated Me when Me needed it, showered love to the world when the world needed it and till date is diligently doing her duty as a Bundle-of-Joy. Just like marshmallows to hot chocolate, Orisha compliments everything around her. She's like joy with added-value. Like a compass that always points to North to guide the way and adjust to the circumstances and adapt to the people she meet. The world and Me are indeed blessed to have Orisha by our side. 

Today however is a very special day. It's the 23rd anniversary of this Bundle-of-Joy and God said that on this day, this Bundle-of-Joy must be pampered with extra love and joy than every other day and so Orisha today you deserve to be reminded of how special you are to this world. To be reminded that you're doing not just a good, not just a great but an outstandingly splendid job in this world. So thank you for all that you have done and all that you will undoubtedly keep doing cause even if we say it's enough, it's just impossible for a Bundle-of-Joy to stop showering love. You're such an overflowing kindered spirit I'm surprised there isn't two of you. But most of all, I know it's not worth anyone reminding you of how great you are because sometimes Bundles-of-Joy forget their worth no matter how much they are reminded of how great they are but there's only one selfless thing these special creatures remember and that is the love people have for them. So don't you forget that most most of all we all love you and Me loves you till infinity and beyond. 

Happy Birthday You Love Joy And May Your Greatness Shine All Over All The Time With The Beautiful Blessings of The Good God Who Created You.  

WITH LOVE ME.

THE BEAUTIFUL YOU

Dedicated To My Dearest Darling Diamond Nathaasha

When a man breaks your heart,

When he pierces it with a dart,

Little does he know,

That you will only grow.

It makes him not a man,

Earn your love he never can,

When he's lower than a boy,

When he treats you like a toy.

But little do you know,

That a change in winds now blow,

You try so hard in vain,

To end the miserable pain.

If only you knew the secret,

The one that is so sacred,

You will be free of woe,

And life would feel so new.

Take a step my love,

Up, up and above,

Look into the mirror,

You'll see yourself much clearer.

You've stepped into this world,

From the womb in which you were curled,

To be a beautiful and blessed woman,

With a heart that's made of diamond.

You were a little black coal,

Inside a pressured hole,

But look at you now baby,

How you shine with so much glory. 

You can never be shattered,

You can never be tattered, 

For when handled by a nut,

You know a diamond can only cut.

So why worry about a blight,

For you're brighter than any light,

Shine away with your beauty,

Cause you know you're much more worthy. 

DIAMOND

SLUMBER PARTY LAH

So basically it’s 4:05 am right now and I’m as high as fuck. Okay it’s a little toned down now since I can actually type a proper sentence like at an acceptable pace. Nat’s just gone. Not like the gone kind of gone but just the so called happy high and she slept like a baby right in front of me. I have never seen anyone go to sleep like that and here I am just like okay why are you leaving me hanging like this. It’s 4am and I need someone to talk to. I have issues. But the best part is I’m just here cross-legged sitting on Nat’s swing and typing this out on my baby Burton. Internet connection sucks and I don’t know the wifi password but whatever. So I’m just typing on Microsoft Word. I hope I’m alert enough to save this. Can’t believe I totally bunked Sangeetham class for this but totally worth it although I still yet to have some quality time with my Natsy. Oh well, pleasure.

Okay my eyes are burning right now but I still have the ability to correct my multiple spelling mistakes and end of story. Means I’m as awesome as fuck although last night I got wasted. Oh I got wasted I tell you. I should write a story about all my drinking experiences. My major drinking experiences that is and perhaps carry out an analysis of what my drinking style is. So far what I’ve gathered is that, well, food is a must have and no shots. Hmmm, whatevs.

Okay getting wasted is stupid by the way. Slowly drink your drink with a full stomach so that like what Nat said, you’re a happy high and you get to dance with your crush who actually wanted to dance with you. Let’s not go there shall we.

Okay now I’m just lazy to type already but I have so much to say. Why can’t they have like some voice blog or something like that? I’d be talking all day long. Mata membakar oh oh oh. This time around when Nat came down I totally found so many more new and amazing people in my life.

Prisha is this girl. This one of a kind girl who is I don’t know what apart from her Level 99 English, then there’s this group of MILFs that are totally holy yet happening at the same time just like me. Then there’s this boy called Thiru who actually knows what the fuck NOL means. Heck he knows my company better than I do and yes NOL is a company if you’re actually wondering. Then there’s just more and more friends and family I’ve totally bonded with this time and I finally found the perfect name for my baby phone. Yes, it is Bruce Benedict Banner. Yataaa… Woohoo… Okay time to sleep but no but wait but there’s more.

I don’t know, I’m just a happy but unhappy kid. Life rocks and I still can’t believe my parents gave me two rows of straight sleepover at my childhood friends place. I love this place, I love the people, I love this family.

Apart from that all the tanni sessions did unleash the wildest in me and did make me do stupid things and miss awesome opportunities. It’s 4.19am and I’m awake as fuck and omg nowadays comparatives are always just compared to fucks. Like not as loud as thunder but as loud as fuck, not as beautiful as a peacock but as beautiful as fuck, not a mad as a hatter but as mad as fuck. But well it’s true cause sex is loud, beautiful and mad anyway.

Just read my whole post again and yeah and I guess I shall post this first thing tomorrow morning when I awake to a pretty selfie with Nat. It’s now 4:27am and so well so Good Night.

It's now 11:43am. We took no selfies and I thought I woke up to obvilion. She's packing and I'm stealing 50 Shades of Grey and well this trip is over but lasting forever. I'm going to keep having memories flashing in and out cause oh well the alcohol helps to retain your loving memories.

SHOTS

ALL MY BEAUTY

The day I lose all my beauty,

Will be the day I lose all my love,

It's all coming back to me now,

The point is clear,

My heart it fears,

When you're not near,

I end up in tears,

But I know it's all wasted,

Cause the pain I have tasted.

Nothing would have lasted,

So why start it in the first place.

Blinded by your smooth ways,

Brings back memories from worse days.

The day I lose all my beauty,

It'll be here,

It'll be now,

For if I lose this love,

I will have so much more.

My beauty comes from within,

I don't need what's on the outside,

It's time to move on to the other side.

The day I lose all my beauty,

Will be the day I find new strength,

To grow, to nurture, to live,

A life without the miserable you.

The day I lose all my beauty,

I will rejuvenate with joy,

I will surely miss this boy,

But I'll now find a man,

Who will love me as I am,

Who will take me by the hand,

Who will wipe these bitter tears,

And make me better years.

The day I lose all my beauty,

Will be the day I turn into my most beautiful me.

FOUND

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK

The curses they toil and turn,

They boil and burn,

I'm no Shakespeare,

I steal from the learned.

My profanity twists,

My tongue it slithers, 

Arse, arse, fuck,

Live till you rot.

I can't think,

Boy am I intelligent,

All that I've got,

A few words and a fuck.

They make you, 

They break you,

They shake you,

They blow.

I'm no Taylor Swift,

Oh fuck it I'ma go,

You know,

Slow.

They speak shit,

They can fuck off,

They can die to death,

They can fuck and fuck off.

Go to hell,

Fuck you people,

Go and die,

Whatever.

People can suck balls,

All men are pussies,

Fuck you people forever,

La la and la. 

I'll show you fuck,

La la la la,

I have nothing more to say,

Good night and fuck off. 

Like I'm even interested,

Whatever you negative shit,

One more time suckers,

Oh my fucking god,

Go to hell solicitors,

Go and die with the lot,

Do I need to hear shit,

I've got work and I've gone nuts,

I'm going to start to blabber,

I'm not listening to fuck,

Oh my good lord,

Can I not ask for the wrong fuck.

I could go on,

I could go on again,

I thought I said once,

One more time suckers.

I said it again,

I'm saying it again,

Thrice just did it,

Good night and just fuck off. 

FUCK

DRUNK IN CITIES

American and French,

My lust and love,

British and Spanish,

My style and slither. 

Indian and Irish,

My culture and capacity,

Japanese and Greek,

My brains and beauty.

German and Italian,

My precision and passion,

African and Australian,

My wilderness and wonders,

Brazilian and Canadian,

My youth and peace,

Arctic and Antarctic,

My ups and downs. 

I seek to cross the continents seven,

Across the period of my life,

Until I reach the gates of heaven,

On this earth I shall always strive.

WORLD OF LIFE

THE SEASONS FOUR

The scorching summer sunshine and rain,

The clouds they never unfold,

Your tender love I seek to gain,

Why can't in love we grow old? 

The scattered autumn leaves,

Red, yellow and gold,

The heavy sigh I heave, 

Why am I not so bold? 

The howling winter wind,

Blows from the North so cold,

If by falling in love I have sinned,

Why wasn't I told?

The colours that glow from the spring that blooms,

Like the colours of the rainbow and its pot of gold,

The thoughts of you that make me gloom, 

Why can't I have your hand to hold? 

The weathers four I have described in twos,

Yellow, red, green and blue,

Will you never understand this too,

That all I want is to be with you. 

THE SEASONAL LOVER

A YELLOW HEART

No, the cupcakes were not made by me for you. 

Yes, I stole it from the internet "Internet For All" innit. 

DEAR YELLOW FELLOWS,

Hello :)

So basically I would like to dedicate this post to all my lovely colleagues, seniors and friends over at DiGi and so here I am typing away to say thank you to each of you individually. Well Here Goes :)

CEO

Dear Sir, Thank you for having me in this wonderful place full of wonderful people. It's been such an honour and pleasure. Thanks for taking a picture with us interns during the CFD. Take care sir and God Bless You.

THE FINANCE TEAM

Karl - Thank you sir for having me in your wonderful team full of amazing and supportive people. It was a pleasure working with DiGi and interacting with all your fellow minions. I only plucked my courage to speak to you during team building and it was a great honour. Take Care And God Bless.

Everyone - Dear All, I wish to thank all of you for your wonderful support and guidance, if I've missed out anyone who directly or indirectly connected with me before, my sincere apologies and an a bunch of thanks to you all. God Bless You.

THE HOME TEAM.

It has been the greatest pleasure working with a team of dedicated people like you all at FBP. Thank you everyone for the great projects, time and effort spent on me and thanks for the wonderful Tony Roma's treat. God Bless You.

Ivy Chew - First of all thanks for accepting me into DiGi and making me feel really comfortable even on the first day itself with the whole Pot Luck party and all. Thanks for giving me a proper review session and providing me with a wonderful team to work with here in DiGi. Also thank you so much for the multiple leave approvals you gave me LOL. Sorry if I did anything that did not satisfy you or meet your expectations. I really enjoyed this 5.5 months working under your team. To be honest I didn't know I was going to be under management accounting and I was like dreading my first week but you showed me otherwise and really I'm looking at it from a whole new perspective thanks to you and your wonderful team. Stay awesome and take care Ivy.

Kooi Chin - Dear Dear Kooi Chin, I think you are the sweetest most simple person I've ever met in my life and I adore you for that entirely. Thanks for the great morning greetings, the little laughters behind your sentences, the help to send in my resume, the little little life advices and survival tips around DiGi, the problem solving for my e-mails, and the C&O help you always give. There's nothing much for me to say, you're just a darling and stay that way forever more with that pleasant smile and simplicity. It gives peace to people and can even make their days.

Karen - I think you're the most fashionable (also corrupted) gangster woman in town and I dig that and yeah I'll confess that now. I swear to god I used to check you out all the time and it's pretty inspiring you know. You're like that go getter and empowering women kinda lady and thanks for all that health advice which I know I hardly took but will always remember and thanks for sitting down with me and giving me a talk on dressing and confidence. I yet to work on that but I'm almost there. Also thanks for all your industry experience advice and all the skills and knowledge you share with me about the thought process and keeping the end in mind when conducting a project. However, my biggest thanks to you would be for your EPIC cooking skills. I swear to god that flavour of that cheese cake will forever stay on my mind and that pork stew too. Keep inspiring young souls like me and stay hell of an awesome always.

Len Nee - Dear Sifu, thanks for being a pro teacher during our badminton sessions. I always enjoyed playing with you guys and now I have learnt how to pick up a shuttlecock thanks to you. You are an inspiring person in the sense that you believe in people and you take up challenges yourself I believe. You make a great Sifu in anything. You never failed to teach me the skills that you have and you're so kind in sharing. Thanks for teaching badminton and bowling and so much more especially about life. Thanks for having faith in me sometimes, thanks for the little life lessons, thanks for always making me smile with your little acts of kindness and coolness sometimes, thanks for your little compliments that give me a boost. Thanks for coming to my party and my mum likes you by the way. She thinks you're very nice. I've noticed you and I think you're one of the most considerate and responsible persons I've met. Take care Len Nee and rock on.

Purie - Oh Ms. Purie (yeah I'm sorry I think you're the only person I could never get that Ms. off), I saved the best for the last. I know I've been that little Dennis The Menace to you. You're always chasing me for things cause I'm the usual slack and I'm always like a light bulb. I think you've never met anyone who's much slower than me I suppose and the little bum who's always opening up so many Excel Sheets to confuse you but I hope you miss me the most because hell yeah I'm going to miss you alright. You're so structured, organized, dedicated as hell, tough, smart, intelligent and kind and I've picked up the most from you and working closely with you has been the best experience ever. You were always there to give me a helping hand whenever I needed it. You were always there to push me to think (although I know I usually don't). You were there to always coach me and you were ever willing to sit yourself down with me and have a deep chat with me about my career and that was a really fruitful talk I had with you there. You taught me the thought process. You gave me feedback from your past experiences. You even gave me positive pressure and I needed that Ms. Purie and you gave your all to me. If it weren't for you I'd be a total bum in office and it would have been one of those internships where I'd just sit around and play the typing test. You always gave me good projects to do constantly. Every minute of my internship was worth it because of you. I couldn't speak more, I couldn't say further, you have been the driver of my internship and it was a pleasure working with you. I think I would owe you the biggest apology for having had to probably pull your hair off working with a bum like me but I loved every bit of it and my sincere apologies if I ever did anything to disappoint you in anyway.

THE AFR TEAM

You guys were THE bunch of all times. I know I hanged with you guys more than I did with my own team and it was always a pleasure sitting with you guys where all the food was stored.

Carmen - I have a pretty confession to make. I always thought you were a mixture of Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley from Harry Potter. I really don't know why but yeah. Anyways, I know I hardly mixed with you much but I'll never forgot the most Yeng match I ever had with you for badminton and it was a pleasure working with you for the PO Receiving Accruals and sorry if I had to bug you all the time for that Carmen. Take care and stay cool.

Yung Hwa - Thanks for helping me with the ANP thing and I love your dresses. I know I hardly spoke to you as well but yeah. Take care and all the best.

Amelia - I hardly spoke to you as well as you came in after your delivery. Thanks for the Chart of Accounts I guess haha and thanks for thinking I had some Chinese influence because of my slang LOLOL. Also I learnt how to eat a Kiwi fruit with a spoon from you. Yeah I'll remember you for these little things for sure Amelia.

Karen - Dear Karen, thanks for always making me feel comfortable over at the AFR table. Thanks for all the wonderful badminton matches with you. I know I very ganas when I play with you only hahaha. But it was pure fun. Thanks for all the little small talks and pretty words that you say sometimes. Take care Karen and stay pretty always.

Chooi Foong - You were simply an amazing senior. Thanks for those great badminton games but most of all thanks for being like a wonderful Jie Jie to me by scolding me like mad for eating like a pig. It was a pleasure and total fun working with you for the field force project. Yeah I was more like on AFR's side trying not to capitalize things when I was supposed to be backing up Len Nee I know. It was pure fun and thanks to you too for making me feel really comfortable at the AFR table and how can I forget thanks for always booking rooms for me. I will always remember the great Merdeka moments I had with you and stay awesome.

Sze Fen - I have too much to say about you. You were one of the most patient and kind seniors to me. You were always so kind to teach me and clarify every single doubt I had without fail. I'm really going to miss you like crazy. I'm really going to miss having lunch with you. You're one of the most positive persons I've ever met. I'm almost in tears now talking about you. You always have nice things to say. You are always so cheerful. Your positivity just rubs on to people instantly. I'm always smiling around you. You were one of those who had so much faith in me. I will miss gyming with you and please don't forget what I said about the Power of Attraction in the gym the other time. Thanks for all the amazing selfies I took with you and god knows what else I need to thank you for Sze Fen. You're a charmer and like pixie dust. Sprinkling joy everyone. Keep sprinkling. You always make me smile. Thank you so very much and may God bless you. Love you loads big time. Your bubbly little Chit Blue.

Lee Yee - Dearest Darling Lee Yee. The senior with the constant supply of vegetarian food. Thank you soooooooo much for the great times with you. Let it be the RM2 vege shop, the RM4 vege shop, you introduced me to hell of a lot of vege shops hahaha. It was always fun to have a partner around whenever I was vegetarian. I love your spirit and goodness. You're a very mature and loving soul. I always enjoy sitting next to you although we end up talking all the time and then I get sounding from you. Hahahaha. Thanks for inviting me to your peaceful home and letting me meet your wonderful family. May God Bless You All. I'll always remember you as the girl in the pink shirt. Also I enjoyed the DiGi Treasure Hunt with you. However, Lee Yee, there's something bigger I have to thank you for. It was when I was at my weakest that you lifted me up and sat down to share my sorrow and tears. Thanks for inspiring me not to give up. To pick myself up and just move on. If it weren't for your pep talk I would not have finished what I had to do and I would have just been a hopeless human dreading my silly mistake. You're a wonderful person Lee Yee although you love to bully me that I'm fat. So bad. I'm going to miss you deeply but I know I'll always stay rejuvenated with your positive Facebook posts. Thank you for simply being you and a great Jie Jie to me. Love you long time Lee Yee and forget me not. EVER. Someday we might even teach together.

Uma - You are a great example of "Screw The World I Rock As Hell" and that's really awesome. Thanks for inviting me to be in your team for Treasure Hunt. I love your confidence and how you nag your kids during lunch. I know I wasn't very close to you but by God you are a great person and there was a reason why God changed for you to be my room mate. Uma it was not until team building that I realised what a great mother you are. Thank you for accepting me at my worst and dealing with all the shit I put you through on the Team Building night. Haha please don't blackmail me with my secrets that you now have hahahaha but I had a blast and I couldn't have done it without you. I think you're like the only one now who knows my true colours hahahaha. Bad Ass Alert. Hahahahaha. Rock On Uma & God Bless You.

Wai Harn - Dear Wai Harn, you are so soft when you speak and it's really nice hearing your voice. You speak with some kind of element and it's comforting. I enjoyed Treasure Hunting with you and most off all I enjoyed the pretty talks with you. Thanks for loving how I pull of a dress with sneakers. I love your skirts too by the way. I love how we both love London and thanks for helping me around Jonker Street but most of all thanks for working hard for me with HR. I hope to see you real soon if God willing. You're a very peaceful person and thanks for everything Wai Harn. God bless you.

THE OTHER AWESOMENESS

The whole lot of you were simply a bunch of kind awesome people. I know I hardly spoke to many of you but still you guys always played a part in my life somewhere in this internship and I thank you for that everyone.

Yen Yen - Sorry I always called you Rachel. You know you are very gangster but you were never gangster to me and I ought to thank you for that haha. You're a nice and helpful person and I always enjoyed answering your curious question and thanks for protecting me from that Bully of a Ganesh hahahaha and I enjoyed most teaching you the self protection thingy at the car park. I also think you looked adorable at team building. Stay as Yen Yen as ever.

Rachel - You are the cutest thing I've ever met. Thanks for always lending me your stationary, helping me forward my resume, having that massive talk with me during lunch once and letting me understand my true passion, booking rooms for me but mostly giving out good vibes with your happy and joyous smile and voice. Stay cute Rachel.

Alicia - Thanks for including me in the fruits mail and saying hi to me always. Loved that mint choco cake and I'm really sorry I always took your favourite spot.

Wendy - Wendy I enjoyed having breakfast with you. Thanks for the treat and talks. I know I yet to have breakfast with Merisa and you haha but there will always be another time. I enjoyed getting to know you and stay happy always Wendy.

Merisa - Thanks for loving my sister's candy and sorry I didn't catch breakfast with you.

Mior - I hardly spoke to you as well but it was fun playing laser tag with you as you were killing me multiple times and hope we meet sometime.

Nik - Dear Nik, I couldn't thank you enough for being a wonderful team player at the BPT outing. It was fun bowling with you but it was more fun constantly shooting you from upstairs in laser tag. However, Nik thank you so very much for sticking by my side when I lost my cash and ensuring I was safe enough to go home and giving me that dollar. God Bless You So Nik.

Alex - You're a pleasant soul and it was nice laser tagging with you while you and Mior were killing me non-stop. It's good to know it's a small world out there having you know my cousin. Stay awesome and it was a pleasure meeting you.

Yen - I hardly spoke to you but I have one thing to say. You work those heels like a BOSS and every time you pass by I just go DANG WOMAN. Either than that well haha nothing much but stay awesome and take care.

Yit Yee - I only knew you a few weeks back but it was a pleasure sitting next to you and having small talks and thank you for being so kind as to let me your umbrella and come down to drop me off. Take care and God Bless You Yit Yee.

Senthil, Darryl, Shie Yiing, Phooi Ting, Gin Li, Ben - I'm sorry I hardly spoke to you guys but I think you guys are really a smart bunch and thanks for everything and a wonderful BPT outing as well. God Bless Everyone.

The Lot 30 Gang -  I know I hardly knew you guys as well but it was fun sitting with you all and also enjoyed the BPT outing with all of you.

Kam Seng - Thanks for taking the picture for me a Melaka sorry I only introduced myself to you on Friday but it was a great Jonker street moment with you as well.

Sam - It was always a pleasure greeting you in the mornings, thanks for being a wonderful asset to the division, and helping me whenever I needed your support. Stay pretty and fanciful. God Bless You.

Mel - Thanks for being a great coordinator for the team building. Stay accelerated and pumped up always.

Jess - You are another Yeng badminton player la Jess, it was a pleasure meeting you and having lunch out with you and thanks for dropping me once to the station. Thank you and god bless.

LE GREAT GANESHA

Ganesh - Cheh wah special category for you. Dearest Ganesh, there's nothing I could say about you. You were simply the most amazing person throughout this internship. I loved everything about you especially your white hair LOLOL. Thanks for being so damn super duper unconditionally funny. You never failed to make me laugh and I swear you're going to be the one I'd miss the most. Thanks for always coaching me to go for gym, thanks for always training me at gym, thanks for the fun after gym chats, thanks for dropping me to my car always, thanks for all the semma gossips, thanks for being a charitable inspiring persons (love how you dig kids), thanks for trying to recommend a suitor for my sis, thanks for the awesome insights about everything, thanks for so randomly dragging me into a random team for team building and it turned out to be the best thing ever, thanks for the most enchanting Ramayana story and mantra (speaking about that I forgot to tell you I had a dream of it the next day), thanks for all the amazing contacts and new friends I made (please send my regards to Pradesh (please tell that mad hatter he's amazing and that if there was one lesson I learnt from him it was to have some self-esteem about myself for he really gave me a reality check when I did that splendid reverse parking), Karthik, Malar, Sri and Rakesh especially), a huge huge thanks for giving me the most inspiring story in which I wrote a poem for. The Unborn Child is now my most favourite piece of work, thanks for being a trustworthy and splendid bar tender, thanks for all your silly symphonies and how you emphasise them, thanks for that lovely song called "Lovely" from Happy New Year (addicted yar), thanks for having all those timeless chats on Lync with all your "la" and "lol" but most of all thanks a million for always making me smile. You really are one of a kind and I really think God made you for a reason. Okay I don't want to start crying now. Meh UNCLEEEEEE. I'm going to miss you sooooooo very much but it's okay it won't end here because you owe me three things and so because you owe me these three things we will always have to keep in touch at some point in the future. You owe me another story called Butterfly Wings, a Vanilla Cigarette and a fishing lesson. But I owe you one as well. Two actually. I owe you a full story with royalty and I owe you something that I can never return to you and that's all that laughter you've given me. You're a happy, smart, chill and cool person and I totally enjoyed my time here at DiGi partially because of you. REMEMBER: Never EVER dye that hair of yours red or you're going to be some failed Sanjay Dutt, it's just combustion, it means you're on fire, keep it white and sexy just like George Clooney but mostly just like yourself cause remember we are all body beautiful and best in our own skin. Don't you ever so much as even think about changing Ganesh cause you're awesome as hell. It's not just me but I've heard a great deal about you from the most random of people on how awesome you are and those stories from strangers always put a smile on my face. Okay so now here's all the sorry I owe you. I'm sorry I took you in my low Wira once, I'm sorry but not so sorry I called you Mr. Ganesh because that's what made me a new friend (although until then I thought you were a creep no offence), I'm sorry I was never consistent at gym but here's ONE thing I'm NEVER going to be SORRY for.......... YOU'RE OLD UNCLEEEEEEEEEEE... HAHAHAHAHA... Oh gosh I could go on and on about you la Ganesh, I hope we can always keep in touch and I'm going to miss you so freaking much... *Tearing already and I've run out of Starbucks as I type this*.... Booohooooo hoooo... Take care Ganesh Chand, infinite loves and God Bless You Big Time You Kindled Spirit You Ganesh :)

THE WRECKING CREW

Little did I know I would so randomly get into this team of people whom I've never ever spoken to and then KABOOM you guys were rocking as hell.

Lawrence - Dear Lawrence... Hi (with a high pitch) (it's always the first thing I say when I come to bug you at your table)... You know you ought to have a category of your own la but I'm putting you here under the Wrecking Crew cause you were like an awesome team leader and it was through this I met such a fun person... First of all I wish to say you're a great team leader, so dedicated and driven... I know the reason why I volunteered to be the MC was to avoid the catwalk but yeah you got me alright but I have no regrets... Many of them enjoyed it and I truly unleashed my best potential working with you... You were always so patient with me, allowing me to share my ideas and most of so supportive and keeping me calm when I was going to freak out reminding me that it was all for fun... FUN - not a word I would want to remember in terms of team building but haha I have to say it was FUN... It was a pleasure working with you... It was great knowing you... Loved the little chats with you, the lunch hours, the tea times but mostly that after lunch party donut session with le gang... You are a very caring person indeed, noticed it when you managed the bus gang really well during team building and how you take a chill pill on your team mates and me... Thanks for introducing me to many new people and helping with my job search... Thanks for including me well in the team building despite being an intern... Thanks for god knows what else... I'm going to miss all those crazy moments and I'm sorry on my part for when I was ultra crazy at team building... I'm going to miss you as well... Always keep in touch Lawrence and send my regards to the cute little (I believe) Lorita Immanuel Lawrence... Pretty... God Bless You Crazy Lawrence... :)

Tawfiq - Tawfiq, you're that bubbly happy man I feel... Hardly kept in touch with you... Chilling with you and my intern friends during CFD in office would be my best memory of you but most of all thanks a great deal for the "Create Space" Amazon page you recommended to me... Take care and god bless you :)

Sonny - You are really such a lovely person Sonny... I'll be honest I thought you were the biggest gangster in town but really you have the biggest heart... You're funny and kind and soft spoken and humble and thanks for telling me not to mix my drinks... Thanks also for recommending me to your boss... I think you're cool as hell man... Rock on with that cute ass ponytail man... It was really fun with you at team building and God Bless you Sonny... :)

Mel - Mel thanks for being so supportive of my speech and giving me confidence... Thanks for doing my make up and spending time with me during team building... It was a pleasure working with you you enthusiastic little spark... Rock On Mel... :)

Loges - I think you've got hell of a lot of swag and you're a total stylo mylo case man but gosh I'll be honest I was just a goner at your dancing skills... Simply amazing... But apart from that I think you're like the cool dude like you have an invisible sun glasses on you constantly hahaha... Anyways thanks for being a fun team mate and thanks for believing that I can be an entertainer hahaha... Keep The Swag On Man... :)

Zul - I hardly spoke to you but you were a cooperative and pleasant team mate as well... Take care and god bless.

Elisabeth - Akka you looked absolutely beautiful on team building night... Thanks for helping out with the sarees and thanks for taking care of my things... You're very kind and keep in touch... :)

Ros - You were simple and simply pretty on team building night... I totally loved the Selfie I took with you... Your ideas too were nice... Thanks for being a great team mate :)

Belle -  You're so gangster sometimes but thanks for being a wonderful team mate as well and helping me take pictures for me.

Azhari - To be honest I don't really know you... Hope you're wife is doing well and hope we can meet sometime in the future... Take care and all the best to you.

Eve Lyn - Hey there, hardly spoke to you as well but you looked rocking in your lengga and on the dance floor. Take care.

Ramesh - It was a pleasure knowing you and knowing that you're a friend's relative. Send my regards to uncle. Enjoyed lunch with you as well and having small talks with you. You're quite enthusiastic sometimes and stay rocking. Before team building I used to just stare at you like I was going to assassinate you hahaha but after knowing you it was really fun. God bless you.

Alice - Dearest Darling Alice, You are such a sweetheart and a gem. Thank you for being with me throughout team building and believing so much in me. Thank you for telling me to have confidence and appreciating my work. You have a very beautiful soul and may God Bless you Alice dear. Sorry I sucked at tying your saree and thanks for being such a pretty person right from the inside up to the outside.

THE INTERNZ GANG

The bunch that I go crazy with I will miss you guys like hell. 

Baizura - I know you can't see this post till I tag you on FB but you deserve to be part of this. You were my first friend and little did I know you would be as crazy as me. I enjoyed puasa with you (the buka part la hahahaha), the bazaar with you, eh I kan dah bagi you satu mail yang panjang amboi. I could go on and on about you. I just love how we have so much in common especially hot uncles. Meh. Just thought I'd buzz you after a long time since it's my last day today.

Faz - You were another amazing shy shy person. It was a pleasure meeting you and joining you for Merdeka. Take care and god bless you dear.

Ashok & Fatima -  Do I even need to start on you two bitches? I would need another separate post just for the two of you. I couldn't love you both more. Ashok don't la so shy shy k. I'm going to miss the angry you haha but don't worry I'll take you temple every week that way I will see you and also get some goodness from you and some points to heaven since I'm a total bad ass. Fatima I am not even going to say a word BABES. Really I'm too damn lazy to sit and think and write a textbook here babes hahahahaha. I LOVEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU. GOOD BYE (for now duh... movie and shisha next week bitch) :)

THE HR TEAM

Maxine - Dear Darling Maxine, Thank you for coordinating things for me to get me into this company smoothly, thanks for the treats you gave me, thanks for the great advices you give, thanks for the awesome lunch moments, thanks for dealing with my nautical nonsense, thanks for thinking I'm so funny LOL, thanks for being patient waiting for my MC, thanks for taking in my resume and circulating it for me. Thank you so much for everything Maxine. You were truly there for me all the time. I enjoyed paying visits to you down at HR. I'm going to miss you you Maxine. I'm sorry if I did anything that may have upset you especially making you chase me for that MC. Take care and god bless you so Maxine. Stay in touch always okay. :)

Louisa - Thank you Louisa for coordinating things for me as well and getting me into the company but mostly thanks for letting me know about the opening at Corporate Strategy. Do let me know about the progress on my personal e-mail. I've never met you in person but pray I do in future if I ever get back. I guess you're going to be like that Elf and The Shoemaker to me. You're like that elf who does everything good behind the scenes. God Bless You.

Caroline - Thanks for having that talk with me when I was chasing you for the PO Accruals and I'm sorry I was chasing you like a mad person LOLOL. Thanks for taking my resume and may god bless you.

Grace - I know I like only mailed you today. Well hi and bye but thank you so much for your help and God bless you.

Navin - Dear Navin, It was an absolute pleasure meeting you and talking many things to you. I was most happy to help you with that safety thing and I learnt so much from that from you. I absolutely love your second name hahaha and thanks for introducing me to many other people. Please help me by sending my regards to that Indian uncle who stands near the receptionist or guard house as you always talk to him. You're pretty darn good with what you do and rock on Navin Kanthan :)

Nasri - It was a pleasure working closely with you regarding the PO receiving accruals. Thanks for your advise about the job openings at DiGi and sorry if I harassed you many times via mail for the PO Accruals. LOL. God Bless You.

Cho - Little did I know that it was you whom I was chasing all day long for the PO Accruals LOL. Thank you for responding to my mails but most of all thank you for having that wonderful chat with me on my last day. It was great having met a friend and a guide like you on my last day. I consider myself lucky. Thank you Sir and may God bless you. 

THE MARKETING TEAM

Delina - You are like the bomb of all bombs. You are such a bubbly person and I love your cheeks it's so happy it makes me happy. Thanks for answering my showering mails regarding the Merdeka Parade. It was such fun working with you and the rest of the crew. Do send my regards to all of them if you bump into them. Thanks for taking in my resume and doing something about it. I hope I can be back and work with awesome people like you. Keep spreading your love Delina on Jalan Delima and rock on. Please send my special thanks and love to Emma as well please. I'm not so sure what her mail is but yeah.

Pradeesh - Dear Pradeesh, I only had lunch like once with you and that was it but in that one lunch session you thought me a very valuable lesson when I did a splendid reverse parking. You taught me how to have some confidence in myself not not lack esteem. Today especially I totally regret not having spoken to you more. You really gave me a wonderful boost and I will always keep smiling as you say man. Thanks and God Bless You.

THE CEO's OFFICE

Cheryl - You were such an inspiring person. I'm glad I plucked my courage to say hi to you as we were heading to Reload one day. I loved your advise on where I may start my career if it were in writing and all and thanks for the umbrella the other day. Stay cool and rock on God Bless You.

Adam - It was a pleasure meeting you through Cheryl and working to connect you to my friend. Hope your Youth Summit Promo was a success. Take care and all the best.

CUSTOMER & OPERATIONS

The most random of people, I think every one of you were either a friend's friend or a person I came to know through some form of activity but not fully work related.

Vino - Thanks for dealing with me for all my project requests. Take care and god bless you.

Murali - It was a pleasure meeting you at the donut. You are pretty funny but what I like about you is your burning passion for stamps. You're a rare specimen just like the stamps and thanks so much for helping me out with the outlook name scanner. Take care and stay unique.

Pamela - Thank for being a great Treasure Hunt Coordinator. I know I hardly know you but yeah I just felt like including you in the list because I always speak of you more than you can imagine. I think you really carry yourself with so much poise and charisma and I thought I'd let you know that Pamela. Cheers. 

Rakesh - It was an absolute pleasure meeting you and working out in the gym with you and much thanks to Ganesh for that. You're a very soft spoken and pleasant person to speak to. I'll find out one fine day who this Udhaya is and keep in touch with you I hope. Take care and God Bless You.

Prem - You were such a sport and thanks for that help you gave about my resume. I'm really comfortable around you and it's fun knowing you. Take care keep in touch and god bless you. 

Veena - Veena you're just a bubbly happy person. Keep spreading the love and thanks soooooooooo much for helping me out Veena. It was fun knowing both you and Prem. God Bless you. 

THE SALES TEAM

Amboi-amboi hebat betul la team ni... Asyik kena kacau dari saya kan... Hahaha here's my message to you guys but before that thank you all so much and god bless you all.

Rosenani - Dear Ros, thanks for tolerating my multiple questions and demands during that whole dealer incentive project thingy. You're a good person and may god bless you.

Kak Baya - Thank you so much for letting me use your laptop and sit next to you to harass you like hell for all the data and information I wanted on postpaid.

En. Amir - Thank you Sir for always being so patient to clarify my doubts bila I kacau Kak Isma. You're a very good teacher and an epitome of patience.

Kak Aziah - Thank you for staying back so late to help me give the prices for all the packages. Sorry to have troubled you. Thanks for having breakfast with me once when I bumped into you and I enjoyed that small moment with you.

Kak Isma - Kak Isma Ohhhhhhhhhhh Kak Isma, I paling going to rindu you the most. You ni memang sabar tu gila-gila sabar. Kalau marah pun masih sudi mengajar saya and I'm truly grateful for that. 1+6 la 1+ entah apa la you name you the King of those additions. Thank you for sitting with me always especially that once when you even had a solid meeting with me near your place. I'm so touched and happy to have met you. You shared with me about your past, your kampung, your chocolates and so much more. You even encourage me to join sales and keep me calm when I'm stressed. I'm going to miss you. Take care Kak Isma and jangan rindu I. I takkan lupa Sales department DiGi selama-lamanya. God Bless You All Semua.

THE IT / TECH TEAM

Thanks to all who gave me the required files I needed and to all who helped me set up my computer and solve all my PC problems and supplying me with source files. You know who you are although I hardly know you. I know this message has not reached you but God will send it to you in the most wonderful way someday. Thank you all and God Bless You.

THE DAILY TEAM

Okay so I know this bunch ain't going to read this but still this is what I owe them.

The Receptionists - Thanks Jana and the pretty girl (I'm sorry I don't know your name). It's always nice to see you'll and thanks for helping when I need help always.

The Guards - Mr. Mohan it's sad I only knew you on Friday but it was a pleasure meeting you Saab and Raaz aare Handsome thanks for always greeting me and being so kind. To the others as well thanks to the one who nags me for my tag, the one who handles the boom gate, the one who let's me in and the shy one who says hi when he needs to and so stay rocking everyone.

The Uncle - The one uncle I always greet in the morning. Thank you for doing whatever you do and always giving me a great morning greeting,

Jogi - Mera Bai. You were a great friend indeed. I'll never forget my rides home with you, the wonderful treats at Eat@DiGi and the great memories and talks I had with you. Always putting a smile on my face and telling me I'm worth it. God Bless You Jogi Bai.

Ali - Ali Bai thanks for your wonderful hospitality when serving everyone. It's always a pleasure greeting you and seeing you smile like a Genie.

The Other Uncle - Thank you for always keeping the place speck and span and giving me the best morning smile ever.

The Water Lady - Dang that lady is one tough woman. I can't lift that water tank for nuts but you always do a great job delivering water to us daily. God Bless You.

The Banana Boys - Thanks for always giving us fruits to eat and dealing with us monkeys each day.

The Retail Uncle - It was fun helping you out and making a new friend. Take care and god bless you.

The Retail Akka - Thanks for the advice on the phones.

The Level 3 Crew - Thanks for always keeping the toilets clean and full of toilet rolls.

The Reload Gang -  Thanks for the super tasty food and the loans and discounts. God bless all of you Annes and Uncles.

Mr. Khir - Dear Mr. Khir, How can I forget you? Thank you sooooooooooo much Pak Cik for picking us up each day and dropping us back safely, getting our letters and bringing us the papers. I always enjoyed talking to you. I'm going to miss you and that yellow van so much. Stay awesome pak cik and take care of yourself. God Bless You.

EVERYBODY

I'm am truly honoured to have been part of this family. My heart has become truly yellow and I'm sorry if I've done any mistake or hurt anyone whether directly or indirectly and if I missed out anyone my sincere apologies but you will always be remembered and thank you everyone for taking me through this wonderful journey. There's like 2000 of you but I've only mentioned about 70 of you here. Well to the other 1930 I sure hope to see you all soon. So I'm guessing I've come to the conclusion of my love letter but then again it can never end. Take care everyone and remember keep smiling.

God Bless Everyone :)

THANK YOU ALL :)