LIKE BUTTERFLIES

cause everytime you ask who???

i say...

YOU

ONCE AGAIN

i dreamt of you and this time you said...

YES

THE JOURNEY

its been years... well actually days since i last blogged... guess i was being a good girl... waka waka... in your dreams... hahaha... so i am so damn lazy to blog about my life but i dropped by to say that my English presentation was fucked and i still exist...

DREAM

DIWALI GALORE

and it was the time of the freaking year they all call deepavali... i didn't get myself new clothes... sorry not in the mood... my cousins came down and so i had to be with them... my sis went to klang to celebrate but i was not allowed to go to my friends house in klang... like wtf... i was super emo because of that... but i was just too happy to care... i was first confused on which temple to go to but finally He led me to the right place... He led me to Him... massive crowd i tell you... i could not even enter but trust me it was worth it... i will tell you all about it... so then we went to another temple and home and i got the best vegetarian cooking in town... mummy curry... its usually always mutton curry but my cousins were vegetarian and i was also so all also veg lah... then we relaxed and i can't remember what happen... oh yeah my parents went to my uncle's house and we weren't invited so i decided to do the kolam... removed the last night's kolam and was up with mine... beautiful it went... then my mom calls and says that we are invited... so my sis and i drive there... awesomeness... so we went and came back and i started on the kolam to finish it before my parents came home... but... it was not finish and i used my sister's tea lights till it nearly finished and so she was pissed and she was mad and we did not play fire crackers... so sad... she is so up to my neck lah... and so i just sat on my dad's car looking at the empty starless sky as the wind blows out all the candles... good for her she can have her candles back... and i was just admiring my kolam that no one did... my uncle said it was nice when he came the next morning... ya ya whatever... that was my deepavali... no friend's open house... no fire crackers... no stars... no celebration... but it was noisy yet peaceful... and here comes the BEST PART

I went to my favourite Sentul temple and so there i was outside not being able to enter but you know what.. despite my sis waiting for me like a vulture i still kept praying and praying and praying till i reached the front of the temple... right in front of Him... and my dad asked if i wanted and ang pau and i said yes and i made him give me RM10.00 and i happily gave it to the priest wishing that man Happy Deepavali... so nice to have acknowledged the priest... he is a good man... and since i saved money i could give RM1.00 to the temple piggy bank... everyone had to push their money in but my money just fell in smoothly... so happy that He accepted my money with ease... i didn't see the peacocks well but the best of the best was the fact that i finally saw that Chinese man... he used to be a priest helper and he always gave me sour rice when i went to the temple... the other when i came he wasn't there and i missed him as he got on the bus... today he was there by the pillar and i held his hand and wished him Happy Deepavali... this was the most beautiful part of my Deepavali... He made it all happen... He is really there...

PEACE CAME FROM WITHIN

THE MENACING YOU

its kinda hard to think about you... you are such a bully and sometimes i just love it all...

DENNIS THE MENACE

011110

live your life

ENJOY

HUNTING THE HUNKS

sometimes they make me melt

SO FINE

POISE

a 35 year old pregnant chick

YUMMY MUMMY

HOPE

as the wind murmurs in my ear,

as the curtain crashes to my face,

all these are tiny pains,

compared to the ones i face.

will You let me by Your side,

i need You because i'm Your child,

will i ever face this earth,

my mind is boggling now so wild.

this is the facade in my life,

i see the masks that You've put on,

there are a thousand million lives,

but You've picked me to carry on.

dream a little dream,

i dreamt of You dear God,

You were easing my pain,

heaven is God.

the thought of You,

You all day,

my pains whiz,

themselves away.

You say my sweetheart,

you yet to live,

fulfill your purpose,

its one true gift.

for tonight shall be,
the day that all,

look at you,

and you will never fall.

i walk down an empty street,

searching for a sign of hope,

i see a Man and said hello,

could You help me for i can't find home.

come here child He says to me,

I feel enlightened because of He,

i walk to Him but find Him not,

perished was He into my soul.

as happy as a canary away from cage,

i walk the streets with new hope gained,

hello dear world here i come,

tomorrow shall never be the same again.

IN HEAVEN I BELIEVE

FUCK IT ALL

honestly speaking i am fucking sick and tired of everything that happens to occur in my life... i have become a couch potato... a fat ass bitch who has nothing but fats left in her brain and body... maybe its true after all that i am a fat creature... assignments just pile up but i fucking don't know what to do... i am afraid of the world and i have got to buckle up if i want to reach the expectations of my fucking group members... like what the fuck... i don't give a fuck but i actually do... it's just so hard to manage this earth... today morning i threw a plastic bag into the dustbin all because i was lazy to keep it... i was just being a self-centered selfish bitch not giving a fuck about the other 6 billion people on this earth... yugesh asked me to stop swearing and do i look like i give a fuck... seriously yugesh i can't just stop... if there were no swear words the problems that occur in my life would only seem worse... i am financially broke... i have no discipline to just cope with the pace of the world... my mom and dad are so fucking annoying but they are the best things in my life like honestly... sometimes i feel like home and most of the time i feel fucked... i am so fucking fat i can't wake up in the mornings to catch that bitch ass bus to college.... i want a fucking car to fuck to college... atleast i would be able to wake up at 7 like that instead of 6.... like serious shit what the fuck... i have been skipping classes like shit like how i am now blogging with may's lappy between luke and her in accounts class and i don't get a fuck the woman is blabbering in front... the only classes that make me feel happy and motivated is english and econs tutorial... we always underestimated ms jamie but come on man... she is the bomb... sometimes its just so hard for me okay... omg i don't even know if i am gonna have kids... life sucks that much right now.... i was having a blast last night at may's surprise but now i am just broken.... was it the fact that i slept sleeping on the north.... i always wake up when i sleep facing the evil north but sometimes it feels so darn good... god this fucking sucks over and over again.... i have to lose my weight... i just find it so hard to not eat.... i'm a fucking glutton... i am a fucking pimple face... i'm a fucking loser... everyone has so much of expectations of me.... they just assume that i can always put on a show for them and just keep smiling my ass off... dicky actually said he loved 3.2 cause its nice to see me smile... sze mun told me to be myself today cause i was putting on an emo face.... catherine of all people just stoppped with a hi and did not say more when she saw my face this morning... is life really that bad.... i don't think so.... my friends have been a blast and coming to think that i am gonna suffer another three years with some fucked degree... it makes me wanna puke... oh luke.... hahahaha... but i believe my friends would eventually save the day for me... however now i am in the mood to murder someone... and i want to be so mean... as mean as my fats that i want to piss my friends off and make them cry... this saddistic thought is haunting me and i am so gonna fuck someone today... just anyone who gets in the way.... the problem with me is i hold grudges... but i can never emo... jezreel always said that i can never emo well... and seriously i don't get why ms alina said of all people i must never be sad... yo what the fuck... this world is coming to an end... my exams coming in the end and all my truancy is going to back fire someday... this is terrible blogging... if ms alina were to mark my blog she would be like what the fuck you have no structure at all... okay now i am just trying to break some world record of longest emo blog ever... sick sick sick.... fuck fuck fuck.... i really don't understand... i keep challenging god.... like litereally... i was like if you get me to your temple by morning i will be vegetarian the whole day... if you don't i won't be vegetarian... and then i got a stomach pain last night and i was like what the fuck god... deal i will be vegetarian the whole day even if i don't come and see you... but i really wanted to see him but my mom keeps getting sick and saying no... she's old la okay its that part and parcel of life thing.... that fucking old age shit... why god.... eh what the fuck did i do to you now... and so i pack shit loads of bread and milo to college cause i am fucking vegetarian... how am i gonna cope with food for the next two weeks... i am going to cope but what the fuck... if i don't see you today god i am gonna fuck you real good... see what sort of shit i'm crapping... i really wanna to come up with some super remedy to solve this fucking shit.... no food.... starve.... bleed to death.... horror... bitch ass... fuck...

MY HOPE, MY GOD